How can people best have a conversation without creating confusion? Generally speaking, a person tries to speak in a way that can be understood by others, and expects others to give the information that he or she wants to receive. Linguists have come up with general rules for natural conversation. If people don’t follow these rules, the conversation may seem strange.

The British linguist Paul Grice summed up the rules for conversation in his approach toward conversation, which he called the Cooperative Principle. He offered four “norms” for natural conversation:

1. Quantity: The speaker should give the proper amount of information needed for the conversation. (If asked, “How did you come here?” you should reply, “I came by car,” and not, “I came by car, which is a four-wheeled electric vehicle with an engine.”)

2. Quality: The speaker should give information that is true and informative. (Don’t say, “This car runs very well,” if the car breaks down often.)

3. Relation: The speaker should give information that is relevant to the conversation. (Don’t talk about the weather while talking about your new car.)

4. Manner: The speaker should be clear and direct. (When asked, “Does your car go very fast?” you shouldn’t reply with a confusing statement, such as, “It is not a car that does not go fast.”)

These rules for conversation are generally observed. However, we may notice that depending on the circumstances and the people involved, people bend the rules slightly —— especially the fourth one. People often say things that have an implicit meaning, as well as an explicit, or direct, meaning. Take this sentence, for example: “There’s a really good Italian restaurant near my house.” Depending on the situation, this sentence may serve a variety of needs. It may simply be a way to convey information. However, it may also serve as an invitation, with the speaker intending to say, “Would you like to go out to eat?”

A person who interprets the statement as being an invitation to the restaurant may then respond with a sentence like this: “I love Italian food!” This statement could have the implicit meaning, “Yes, I’d like to go,” as acceptance of the invitation. The listener could also respond like this: “I have to get up early tomorrow.” This statement could carry the meaning, “Sorry, I cannot go with you.”

Because a speaker’s words are not always a direct reflection of their intention, inference is required in communication. The listener must interpret the implicit meaning of a sentence based on the situation and the character of the speaker. Take the question, “Did you have fun at the amusement park?” If the response was, “Well, I liked the exit,” the speaker probably intends to say, “I did not have a good time and I was not happy until I left the park.”

However, if the listener does not understand the implicit meaning, he or she may think, “There was something very nice at the exit to the park.” Therefore, the speaker must make his or her intention known to the listener in a way that does not create misunderstanding.

It is also important for speakers to select the proper words for the situation if they wish their communication to go smoothly. In our interactions with others, we try to minimize any unpleasantness that we may cause others to feel. A statement that is too forward or abrupt could give the listener an unfavorable impression.

Suppose it is very hot in the classroom and you want someone to open the window. What would you say? The simple statement, “Open the window,” may be correct English, but some may consider it rude because it is too direct. Therefore, a speaker may use gentler and more indirect ways of asking, such as, “Could you please open the window?” or “Would you mind opening the window?”

Speaking too directly may be considered rude, but speaking too politely also has its own pitfalls; depending on one’s relationship with the other person and other cultural considerations, being over-polite can create distance and cause discomfort.

Imagine you were sending a late email reply to a friend you speak with every day. If you simply say, “Sorry this is late,” the friend will understand. However, if you use overly polite language such as, “Please accept my deepest apologies for the late reply,” it may make your friend feel uncomfortable and wonder what they had done to anger you. Frank and casual language bridges emotional distance and serves as an important element of communication. The relationship should be kept in mind and an appropriate manner of speaking adopted to ensure the other person is comfortable.

The examples above are just some of the ways in which people choose to express themselves in conversation. Without the proper selection of words, misunderstandings or discomfort can result. This is evident in the new ways in which we are communicating today. Artificial intelligence (AI) has made tremendous progress in recent years, and humans communicate with computers on a daily basis. However, unless a massive database is built containing every possible conversation pattern, it will be impossible for humans and AI to communicate smoothly and naturally. Through our experience in daily conversation, we have built this kind of database in our own minds. Therefore, whenever we talk with each other, we should be careful that what we say is not only correct, but also appropriate.